Read more

It’s Easter morning, and there’s a twinge of sadness that I feel, yes, because of the reality of what happened to Jesus, but also because I feel like a nomad. I’m not really sure where I belong anymore. Yet, I’m okay with that.

Before I deconstructed, I had a church home. I had a community that I belonged to. And I am grateful that I had a church that wasn’t as nefarious as the other ones people are deconstructing from. However, sometimes I miss my former life. Sometimes I miss the world I used to know. Probably because it seemed safer than the unknown of my current reality and more predictable than the circumstances I am currently facing.

To be transparent, we do visit a local church from time to time. But I still feel like I’m trying to play on a playground that I’ve outgrown. I’m wearing shoes that just don’t fit anymore. It’s not that I find traditional church services immoral. I think if you are happy and feel connected to God in your church, you should stay. I’m not against organized religion. I am just against the byproduct of it capitalizing on the relationship and presentation of God’s voice for the sake of controlling and abusing people.

I suppose it is a lot like being recently divorced and attending wedding ceremonies. It just hits differently.

You are allowed to grieve the life you used to live while also accepting that it no longer serves you. You’ve outgrown the space you used to live in. You are a hermit crab. You must find a new shell to live in.

Then, I remember today.

The women who clung to Jesus’ feet, as he took his final breath, and then hid in their homes, wondering if the same would be done to them. On Easter morning, they had nowhere to belong either. Ostracized by the Jewish church for following Jesus, terrified of the Romans who had crucified their leader, they were outcasts too. I think that’s kind of the point.

When we look at what Jesus really stood for… it wasn’t to fit in. It was to stand out. We are not meant to be the grain; we are meant to go against the grain. Because many people living with splinters are trying to work with a fractured grain for the sake of belonging. But our courage to step into the unknown is what shapes us. Even exiles can find purpose, and out of the wilderness, new belonging can emerge. I may not know where I belong yet, but I am moving forward, steadfast and hopeful all the same.

You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. ¹⁵ Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. ¹⁶ In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

How do we survive in a climate that is unstable?

I’ve been trying to figure out how to survive the current political climate. Part of me hopes we will all band together, while another part fears people will keep worshipping the ax that cuts the tree, since doubling down is easier than admitting they were wrong.

“The forest was shrinking but the trees kept voting for the axe, for the axe was clever and convinced the trees that because his handle was made of wood he was one of them.”

―Turkish Proverbs

Don’t look away. Look within.

One of the best ways I can resist chaos, hatred, and fury is to take ownership of my mind and heart. If my head is a home, I am locking the gates. If my heart is a lock, I own the key. I will not allow anyone or anything to control me. If they can control my emotions, they can control me.

I’m not saying I am putting my head in the sand. I am saying that I will not allow anyone to make me feel anything other than clarity, peace, hope, and purpose. In times like these, it is imperative to remember how to hope by not looking away. Don’t look away. Look within.

Recenter yourself, your emotions, and your mind. Without clarity, we cannot think clearly. We cannot see through the fog if we panic in the storm.

If we are the light of the world, we must stoke the fire. We must keep our fire burning. Otherwise, the darkness will win.

Now that I have literally gone public with my faith on social media, I knew it was only a matter of time before trolls would appear. Most of the conversations I’ve had with “disagreers” have been enlightening and enjoyable. There are individuals who know how to entertain opposing ideas and have a civil discussion. I have enjoyed these conversations immensely.

Self-Righteous Vigilantes

Then, some individuals aren’t fighting you, but all the shadows of the people whom they think are like you. These conversations are not fruitful. They don’t argue to understand; they argue to assert their dominance and express their anger. They are toddlers looking for attention. I’m not their mommy. I’m not going to soothe them.

At first, I found myself wanting to engage with my trolls in hopes of having an intellectually stimulating conversation. I was civil and responded in peace, but they kept baiting me, and the responses became more hostile and absurd. To continue to engage was to ride on the carousel of their crazy, and I don’t have time for that kind of ride.

I admit that not all the arguments were illogical; after all, they were coming for the Bible, and the Bible is problematic, even for me. How can you reconcile the Jesus of the New Testament with the laws, stories, and behaviors of the Old Testament?

But I tell myself, Jesus read these same passages, too. He saw these same laws and stories, and it didn’t keep him from advocating for a good and loving God. Was Jesus crazy? Maybe. But he was consistent and never used his powers to overthrow Rome, as all his followers wanted him to do. What human man wouldn’t use that to his advantage?

I want to understand God as Jesus did. I want to understand the Old Testament as Jesus did. And the key to that is reading scripture through the lens of Jesus.

Attack the Bible, Attack God

People think that (my) God is limited to the Bible. If we attack the Bible, we attack God. But God is not the Bible, and the Bible is not God. Despite what Biblical-branding Christians would prefer. My relationship with God is not limited to the Bible.

Bibles are like a smartphone. Consolidating a variety of nuances (that previous generation accessed during their existence) into one solitary experience. After all, first-century Christians did not have a Bible. (But they did have the OT in synagogues.)

What these trolls don’t understand is that God is personal to me. He is the same intuitive force that tells the seasons when to change, or the stranger to affirm an answer to a question that I prayed secretly to God. They can’t attack that experience.

It would be like arguing that I’ve never experienced the ocean; I have. I’ve been in it, on it, and have sailed across it. You can say all you want that I haven’t. But you can’t take the memory of that experience away from me. I know the sensations too well. It is ingrained in my brain like a time-lapse from a song, or a smell tied to a specific memory.

Christianity is incredibly complex. But according to Tolstoy, what Jesus stood for is not difficult to understand. I agree with him. It is the supernatural and the church leaders, and Christians, that have made Jesus difficult to understand.

Attack Christianity, Attack God

Perhaps the doctrine of Christianity was crocheted by nefarious hands, but I also doubt that humanity would let a woman take credit for the birth of a God. Let alone the ONE and only true God.

Even if I am wrong, and there is no such thing as a God or Jesus (which I find hard to believe, considering everything that Jesus stood for has been curated into a persona that is so contrary to what the powers of the world desire), at least I know I am on the side of love. That is where I will remain. The nature of humanity is what proves God to be true, to me. Not the Bible.

Conclusions on Faith

So, what do I do with the Bible? I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure this out. I’m allowing myself to admit that I don’t know everything all the time. Only the sagacious know that there is always more to learn.

Can I understand everything about him from human knowledge? It’s like asking the plankton to define humanity. We are talking about the force of life that created the whole universe.

God doesn’t need me to defend him. God can speak for himself. All God needs is for me to continue to be an agent of love; that is what I will represent, even if I get stoned for it.

I’ve been exploring Tolstoy’s ideology lately, and after reading “Anna Karenina” and now “The Kingdom of God is Within You,” I’ve formed some opinions about this man, his writing, his ideas, and his work.

Tolstoy is a beautiful writer. But I also get the feeling that he is a man who loved to hear himself talk and was applauded by many who hung on every word he said, even though he had already reached that point many minutes ago.

On Tolstoy, the husband and man

Tolstoy (Like many men) found stability in the provision of a family: Having the social structure of a supportive wife and children stabilized him, and he and his career benefited from the centering his wife provided.

Yet, he would cast her off the minute she no longer followed his extremist views at the expense of their children’s welfare. Tolstoy would go on to find a group of sycophants to applaud and promote his writing and his ego for him, just as his wife did early on in his career. Those sycophants would encourage the separation from his wife, even to the point of his death, depriving her access to him on his deathbed.

This is the danger of a patriarchal support structure for women. When you both make a man’s life the center of your purpose and existence…it is trying to fill a bottomless cup: Contentment and stability can only be found within, not in the endless supply of praise and support one can’t drudge up for oneself.

On Tolstoy, the writer

Tolstoy is not a “man of few words.” He is a man of many ramblings. (It is a shame he never got to experience the postmodern literature of Faulkner and others; the stream-of-consciousness style may have suited him, because that is how I would classify Tolstoy’s work.) His fiction is a rambling of observations, storytelling, sermons, and side characters. I find he writes not with intention, but recounts the journey to the reader as the muse delivers it to him.

I think Tolstoy was a man who happened to have a great support structure around him, and there were probably many other men and women who were just as eloquent and brilliant as him, but they never got the chance to make it so. “You know the greatest films of all time were never made.”

On Tolstoy, his ideas

I am fascinated by his relationship with Christianity and find myself agreeing with some of his extremist views. I think Tolstoy was a purist and constantly sought truth to the furthest degree, even if it cost him everything. I respect that. I, too, value the journey of seeking truth. I respect the reflection of that truth in the expression of your life’s choices.

Yet, even Tolstoy and all his ideas couldn’t save himself as he sank into depression and despair toward the latter end of his life.

I don’t dislike Tolstoy or his work. But what I have realized is that he (like many other men in the canon of history) doesn’t deserve the fodder and praise they receive. He was just a man (like any other). I don’t believe in putting any writer on a pedestal. Otherwise, I’m just as pathetic as the many groupies gathered around Tolstoy’s arm.

The more I study and understand Judaism and the Old Testament through the lens of ancient Jewish culture, the more I realize how certain practices and rituals were pivotal for

Read more

November’s weather has settled in. The cold has blanketed the earth, and the trees are shedding what’s left of their leaves to conserve their energy for winter. It always feels like magic watching the symphony of nature be conducted by its invisible maestro. What music do they hear to stay so in sync year after year?

Read more

Part of this flinching stemmed from my mindset. I believed that I was unlucky, that life was unfair, and that if someone was the designated loser... it was me. I was the typecast for losing. How did I learn to think of myself this way? Because I trained my brain to focus only on losses, not on wins. I trained my brain to focus on my insufficiencies instead of my strengths.

The shift to joy, or at least the mindfulness of it, started five years ago.

Read more

Read more

The spiritual wellness industry promises acceptance and growth, but what happens when real hardship strikes? New research reveals a shocking truth about modern spiritual communities that will change how you think about faith, community, and personal development

#Spirituality #FaithDeconstruction #PersonalDevelopment #Community #Wellness #SpiritualButNotReligious #Christianity #SelfHelp #MentalHealth

Deconstruction saved my faith, but some deconstruction communities are destroying people's hope. In this honest video, I'm exposing the toxic patterns I've witnessed in faith deconstruction spaces that claim to offer healing but actually keep people stuck in bitterness.🚨 Warning signs your deconstruction community is toxic💔 How support groups can become "stuck groups"⚖️ The difference between healthy processing and endless victimhood🔄 Why some people never move past anger in their faith journey🌱 What healthy deconstruction actually looks like✨ How to find genuine healing vs. performative trauma bondingIf you're deconstructing your faith, this video is crucial. I'm not attacking deconstruction - I'm defending it from the toxic elements that are giving it a bad name and hurting real people who need genuine healing.Perfect for anyone questioning their faith, dealing with religious trauma, or stuck in deconstruction communities that feel more like complaint circles than healing spaces.Topics covered: Religious trauma, church hurt, spiritual abuse, toxic positivity vs toxic negativity, healthy boundaries in faith communities, moving from victim to survivor mindset.#Deconstruction #ReligiousTrauma #ChurchHurt #FaithCrisis #SpiritualAbuse #ChristianDeconstruction #ToxicChurch #FaithJourney #MentalHealth #Healing #Recovery #SpiritualHealing #ChristianityDeconstruction #FaithQuestions #ReligiousRecovery

I never should have gone to college. The only reason I went was because a concerned friend took it upon herself to enroll me, register me for classes, and apply for scholarships, so I could afford to be there. I owe her my life.

As a young high-school kid, I never considered college, because I never considered I could be anything other than what I already was. I had no hope for the future because I didn’t believe I was capable of achieving anything in the future. Why bother?

While all the other seniors in my school posted their college plans on the walls of our high school hallways, I hid mine in the locker of my self-consciousness. I was the runt hiding from the bully, I called reality. Almost every teacher knew better than to ask where my plan was. I had already met my expectations.

The only expectation that seemed to apply to me was the one bound to my physical appearance; It was the only standard that came with constant social commentary. Socially, culturally, academically, and logistically, my weight and appearance were the standards to uphold. So, I complied.

Then, I started my first college English class with (accidentally) one of the hardest professors you could take in the department. He was a Gordon Ramsey for grammar, and demanded excellence from everyone.

In his class, I was introduced to philosophy for the first time, and I realized I wasn’t only understanding the material. I could keep up with the lectures and the logic. Inspired and intrigued by my new mental capabilities, I took another class with him.

Another semester. Week after week, paper after paper, my assignments bled from the lashings of red ink. (How many red pens were martyred on the path of my education?) He was ruthless, thrashing at every thought, word, period, and comma, like it was a mathematical equation that I couldn’t get right. Not because it suited his taste, but because it suited the art of great writing.

Then, one day, after another disappointing paper, he pulled me aside after class and berated me. “No one is going to take you seriously if you don’t take yourself seriously. You must learn how to write well!”

Wait. I could be taken seriously?

Dejected and frustrated by the constant confrontation of my failure, I shoved my "Scarlet Letter" paper in my backpack as if it were a scarlet letter on my chest, warning everyone of the great sin I had committed: mediocrity.

Why was he asking so much of me?

As much as I wanted to surrender to my existence of nothingness, a seed inside me had been planted. His words had cast a spell over my self-efficacy. His must believe I am capable of writing well or he wouldn’t be asking me to do it, right? The possibility of me “being a better writer” and “being taken seriously” permeated my existence and flooded my consciousness like an oil spill.

He wasn’t asking me to be the next Toni Morrison. He was just asking me to try, to expect more from myself. No one had ever done that before.

For the first time in my life, a man (other than my father) came into my stratosphere and told me I should be more than what I already was (academically, intellectually) because he believed it was possible for me. He believed in my potential. I wanted to believe in it too.

Is it possible that generational trauma and father wounds are destroying faith in churches across America!?! Learn how your childhood attachment to parents affects your relationship with God, why many are leaving church, and what healthy spiritual communities look like. #generationaltrauma #fatherwound #churchtrauma #faith #christianity #mentalhealth #progressivechristianity #faithcrisis #deconstructingfaith #deconstructingchristianity

So, you need to fight with God?

This isn’t the most comfortable topic, but it’s an important one. Processing difficult emotions with God is part of a healthy spiritual life. It’s part of taking ownership of your faith and building a relationship that can withstand the storms.

Your anger with God doesn’t disqualify you from relationship with Him. Your questions don’t push you away from Him. Your struggles don’t make you less faithful.

They make you human, and God knows how to work with humans—even angry, confused, frustrated ones. Let's talk about it! laurafarhy.com

This question leads to an even more fundamental one: What do you actually need to believe to call yourself a Christian from a doctrinal standpoint? What do you need to “keep your faith in Jesus” and lose your religion? Let's talk about it.

laurafarhy.com

If you’re a Christian in a faith-crisis, (or a follower of Christ) who thinks about God, asks questions about your faith, or discusses spiritual matters with others, congratulations—you’re already doing theology. Let's discuss!

laurafarhy.com

Doctrine and theology might sound intimidating. But if you’re a Christian in a faith-crisis, (or a follower of Christ) who thinks about God, asks questions about your faith, or discusses spiritual matters with others, congratulations—you’re already doing theology. Let's discuss!

If you’ve been hearing the term “deconstruction” thrown around in Christian circles and wondering what it really means, you’re not alone. There’s a lot of confusion (and unfortunately, fear) surrounding this concept.  Spoiler alert it isn't a "new trend."

Some Christians view deconstruction as something dirty or dangerous, even labeling it as a liberal agenda designed to destroy the church and God. But that is not what deconstruction is at all. Let's talk about it.

Laurafarhy.com

Get your FREE 7 day Deconstruction to Reconstruction Guide & Workbook Here

laurafarhy.com